3/25/25

I DoorDashed food for the first time today. It wasn't completely from laziness, I got a free ten piece of nuggets if I spent more than fifteen bucks. I spent twenty five or some bullshit like that. I really don't understand how it was that much. I only got a quarter pounder meal and some cookies. Also like four dollars in fees and a dollar tip. I'm not an asshole who doesn't tip at restaurants but I also won't tip if it's too expensive. I ate so fucking much. My stomach is smooth now which is weird. Like there is so much food in my stomach that its pushed my skin taut and turned it into a hairy cue ball. 

I was checking myself out in the mirror to see if I'd look more ghoul or human in my passport photo tomorrow and I actually looked nice, attractive even. That sounds cocky but I deserve it. I don't know what I did or what happened to me to make me deserve that but hey, I look good. 

Sex and the City is so good. I'm watching it as I write this. Anyone Carrie dates is a piece of shit (except Aidan) and anyone Miranda seriously dates is the best ever. Steve and Skipper are great but mostly Steve. 

I have three porn tabs open right now. All of them being Japanese Adult Videos from a pirate website. After I finish writing this I'll go into my room and whack off but there's something artistic about them. That's how you know I'm a gooner, I'm viewing porn as a pass time instead of just something to jack off to. But seriously I do think that porn can be artistic. The way it's shot, the passion between the main two, even the story they're trying to tell. Office slut preying on the new hire, neet childhood friend with big tits and glasses, even a gal hooking up with a loser. A lot of the sexual fantasies I like watching involve a beautiful girl hooking up with a lame, ugly, dork who doesn't have anything impressive about them. 

I use "it's" a lot when I write, I should stop that, it makes me seem a little too basic. I forgot what it feels like to live alone. With my roomie somewhere in Florida for spring break and me now typing this on the toilet, door open and watching TV. I feel free, like a song bird released from my cage.

Daily: 3/23/25

God I really need to post more here. Got a haircut, broke up with what may be the lamest situation-ship in human history, and got exposed as some kind of gay. All in one day. It all happened on the 18th I think, I have drafts from when I tried to write but just gave up. So I got a haircut, its growing on me (HAHAHA). My roommate, Coke-Girl, and I went to his car to smoke. I don't even remember what for but he wanted my phone for something and Grindr was the first thing he saw when he started swiping. He wasn't as much as an asshole as I thought he'd be about it. I mean he still yelped like a dog who just got ran over and called me gay but it was a much more subdued reaction than I thought he'd have. Coke-Girl didn't even react, I wonder if she zones out completely whenever she uses her phone. I've looked over her shoulder a couple of times when she was using her phone. It's surprisingly easy to do when she is a full foot shorter then me. All she does is take snaps of herself and send them one by one to anyone. Social media is this weird community to me.

The entire time that was going on I broke things off with my Pseudo-Girlfriend. I said I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with her and it just ended. Its suits the entire relationship. just a boring, worthless exchange of words and that was it. A six year long chapter of my life just done. We didn't have a huge fight, we didn't fuck for one last time, it was just done. After she started being passive aggressive, I took it as a sign I did the right thing.

So now I miss my other ex. I don't remember a lot of good that came from it except the sex. I don't think she was smart. I remember texting her a bunch one night, we talked about Japanese street racing and our favorite animals. The only stupid thing I remember her saying to my face was that she thought people who were pansexual actually fucked pots. She came with baggage which was probably how I was ever attractive to her. She actually loved doing crosswords with me. Coke-Girl kept dropping hints to me that she was seeing someone new so I looked at her Instagram and she is. Just the average "newly-an-adult" age guy. She seems happy and that makes me happy, even though she tried to trash my apartment. In a week or so I'll remember the time she made me run down the road to calm her down or the time she got pissed at me because I gave her her phone "rudely". Thinking about it some more they actually might have been the same event. I liked waking up beside her and doing crosswords with her, I also liked the sex, I just don't know if I liked her. 

I went to a concert. One of my friends from highschool is the bassist so it was cool seeing him again, and he was doing something cool too. I'm trying to become more "normal" recently. This just means trying to get out of the house more. I also applied to a car wash near me. Fourteen dollars an hour if I get this job, I'll call them tomorrow since I haven't heard back from them yet. After the concert he followed me on Instagram and I felt like I did something good.

Daily: 3/8/25

Guess who still hasn't broken things off with their pseudo-girlfriend yet. I don't know why I haven't yet. Its laziness or fear, maybe I even have feelings for her though. Like I'd be sad if she died but I don't want to date her. She just feels like a roadblock that I either wait at until I die or get past somehow. Tomorrow I'll break up with her, totally.

My roommate is having a kid, that's something. Not with the coke girl but with this girl that he's been on again and off again with for maybe two years now. She actually came over and banged on our doors when her and the coke girl found out that he was seeing both of them. She was supposed to get an abortion but his mom talked her out of it. That's insane to me. She had him when she was around the same age so I can see where she's coming from but that kid will ruin the girls life and probably fuck up his. He said that he would have no part in that kid's life and I can't really blame him. He's nineteen, she's twenty one at least. Almost positive that she's either drinking or smoking too so that baby is coming out of the womb FUCKED up. I've been an uncle since I was born so I hope I'll be a bad ass uncle to it. 100% smacking their head around if they're a boy. 

My friends think they have a right to come over whenever they please. They're loud, put their feet up everywhere, leave a mess, and won't leave when I tell them to.

I like doing coke. I'm not an actual addict like my roommate but I've only turned it down once. I have problems with cumming, during sex and when I masturbate. Like so bad that the girl I fucked started an argument with me. Me telling stories would be so much easier if I used names. I don't because if someone I knew found this I'd probably kill them and then myself, or at the very least myself. Anyways, coke makes me cum buckets. The time before last I went soft halfway and still kept jacking off. Hardened up after 10 or so minutes and came the most I've ever seen after that. I've probably came more using my knockoff fleshlight but I ran out of lube for it. I don't think I even cleaned it the last time I used it. Just came in it and threw it in a cardboard box in the corner of my closet. Similar to how I treated her.

Once I get a haircut and some new clothes I'll try and make myself post to Instagram, maybe even make a Tinder. I made a sockpuppet account and there's some actually cute people on it. If I got my shit together I could be in their leagues and maybe actually fuck someone I like. Also seeing a lot of sorority girls caked with fake tan. The way they do it looks so unnatural and just highlights any imperfections. They do it to look younger but it just makes them look wrinkly. 

I also had eleven hundred dollars stolen from me too. My card either got skimmed or some data leak happened. I have all the cash back though. When I told my mom about it she freaked out and tried to blame it on me. She asked if I left my card around people or lost it. She even tried to say the reason why was because I left my wallet in the car. You can't see any of the numbers when it's in my wallet so its bullshit. She always blames everything that goes bad on me. Its exhausting. One time the toilet in her bathroom got fucked up and she said that I must of been messing with it. After I told her that I didn't she then tried to say that I was fucking with my bathroom and that somehow fucked up hers. She apologized for blaming me though and we hugged it out. She even got me street tacos. They weren't as good as I remember them being. They used pork instead of steak, it was also a little dry.